i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize