3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
