Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
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