thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
