I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
