so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
