home. puking in laundry basket.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
