she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
