I have demons in me.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
