There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
