I feel like abortions should bother me more
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
