Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
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