How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
