found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
