Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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