Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It's no shave November. This is our time.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
