I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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