I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize