i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
