i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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