so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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