ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
