So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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