So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
wow bdsm is so cute
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