That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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