i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
