she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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