I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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