I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
