Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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