It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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