I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Randomize
