I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
