i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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