No more Irish car bombs ever.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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