Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
