I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
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