we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
