Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
