On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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