the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
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HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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