matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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