Pants 0. Shit 1.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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