from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
