No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
