She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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