Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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