I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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