A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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