Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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