Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
