Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
