some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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