the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
