Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
