My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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