For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
