I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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