Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
