ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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