I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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