my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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