one two three fourrrrnication!
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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