I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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